We start out with the Enterprise-A returning to Earth. All of the classic crew are aboard, except, of course, Sulu. The Enterprise is being welcomed by Starfleet Command via subspace radio, and we see a saddened Kirk finally accepting that his carreer as a satship captain is over.
But, lo and behold, a wild energy beam suddenly appears! It's what we'll learn to be the Nexus wave, threatening the El-Aurian refugee ships. Kirk recieves the call and orders the Enterprise to the rescue. The Enterprise is caugh in the enrgy ribbon. Spock calculates that a photon torpedo detonation would cause the energy to dissipate enough for the Enterprise and the El-Aurians to break free. The only problem is that there are no torpedoes left aboard after the Enterprise' battle with Chang's BoP.
Scotty comes to the rescue, modifying the deflector to emit the necessary energy. However, the deflector, like other systems of the Enterprise, are not functioning perfectly, after all the damage they recieved from Chang's attack. The deflector fires up, cutting a path for the El-Aurians to escape. The whole system then shorts out, and we see the path being engulfed in the energy of the Nexus again.
Pandemonum reigns on the bridge of the Enterprise, as Kirk, Spock, Bones and the others try to find back-ups that are still working. The Nexus ribbon reaches out toward the Enterprise, energy threads lick the marred hull of the starship. Bridge consoles flare up, a buzzing noise gets louder and louder. Close-up on Kirk's face as everything suddenly falls silent and still: the moment he realizes that all is lost. We see the Nexus ribbon overfloying the Enterprise and the mighty starship vanishes in a flash of light.
A ceremony is held in rememberance of the Enterprise and her noble crew, presided by Sulu. We learn that the Enterprise-B is scheduled to launch in a year to commemorate the heroic sacrifice of its predeccessor. Thousands are present to ourn Starfleet's greatest heroes. We can see some familiar faces: Rand is there, as well as Carol Marcus, but also Guinan and Soran.
Eighty years pass, and we see the Enterprise-D as it investigates the Amargosa station mystety. From this point on, the movie goes on as it does originally, except for one thing: Soran is revealed to be a supreme computer genius, basically the second Daystrom. This is how he manages to hack the Enterprise's defence systems.
Also, the ship that the Duras sisters usse is not an old BoP: it's a Negh'var or at least a Vor'cha. It pummels the Enterprise, which is defenceless without shields. Although the D has the firepower, she can't keep up the fight with most of her defences gone. Picard is already on the planet, Soran detonates the sun, and the D's saucer crashes, as it was supposed to happen.
Picard aqwakens in the Nexus, where he finds an echo of Guinan. Asking for help, Guinan tells him that there are people who can help him and guides him to the Enterprise-A. Picard convinces Kirk and the others to help him saving the world. The Enterprise-A returns to Picard's time, just as the Duras's ship opens up its barrage. The two Enterprises manage to defeat it, although both ships are critically damaged in the process. Picard and Kirk beam down to the planet to confront Soran.
The two Captains fight the El-Aurian in a classic fistfight. While Kirk is old, he's still a fighter, and while Picard is a pacifist, he's not the man who lets himself being bullied around. They defeat Soran and disable the trilithium torpedo just before its countdown reaches zero.
Both Captains return to their respective Enterprises. Picard hails Kirk, asking them what he will do. Kirk says Scotty'll repair the Enterprise-A enough to make her do a slighshot tiem travel to the past. Picard tells Kirk that doing so would change the timeline, as the Enterprise-A is known to have perished on her final voyage home. Spock says logic dictates they remain in Picard's time, and even Bones agrees. Kirk smiles at the camera, saying: Who are we to argue with history?
The two Enterprises limp back to Earth. The world celebarates their victory and the return of the legendary Enterprise-A. Starfleet Command assures Kirk and his crew that they can stay inservice if they like to. Kirk, of course, agrees. The final scenes show the Enterprise-D in drydock, as she is repaired and refitted. We can see some elements that are reminescent of her AGT configuration. Picard walk up to the bridge, sits down into his good old chair, looking all cheerful about the future. After all, with both him and Kirk around, Starfleet's new golden age has begun.
Models by me
Planet rendered in Genetica
Nexus effect by Paramount Pictures
In the movie, the fantasy intended to tempt Kirk into staying was the arms of some random chick, whom we only see in silhouette. I think it would have been more resonant to have them man tempted by the illusion of a lost love from an actual episode. Imagine your reaction if Picard were to come upon Kirk walking arm in arm with Edith Keeler. Joan Collins is still alive after all.
I think your idea of simply having Soran be smart enough to hack the Enterprise D's computer is far better than having Geordi captured and tortured (Once again. ) and used as a surveillance device. At least then the Enterprise crew doesn't look like a ship of fools again.
Your version is more of what the first TNG film outing should have been, thrilling, bold, and absolutely exciting. But we did get First Contact, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much.
Personally, I thought Generations was a good enough movie as is. Not perfect, but it got the job done well enough that I don't think you could improve upon it that much without making it worse.
...which leaves something of a paradox, because eventually he was going to have to. He's not immortal, and by then, the franchise had already moved on well past him and his era, and that's just the simple truth. The franchise probably had delayed it longer than needed by then anyway.
Yet his character is such that he seems so much larger than life, that no matter what version of death scene you do for him, it was always going to seem a little lackluster and not quite enough. Generations gives it it's best shot, tweaked it considerably when its first version was deemed too insufficient (seriously, their original idea for Kirk's demise was considerably poorer), and made the best of it despite that situation. Personally, I think it's fitting Kirk dies doing what he did best; trying to make a difference. And the fact that it happens without much bravado seems almost poetic to me, honestly, but to each their own.
The same can be said about the Enterprise-D, which it did not escape my notice that you insured it remained (mostly) intact in this version. I make the same argument for it as I did with Kirk, except with the D, she DID go out with a lot of bravado, in what is in all honesty still one of the most dramatic and epic sequences of the franchise. Yes, it was forced...kind of obviously too...but then so was the demise of the original Enterprise in Search for Spock, and indeed, I always found THAT scene the weaker of the two for reasons I won't go into now. But it could've had a heck of a more cheap death than this, and at least she, too, goes down fighting (and still won, at the end of the day).
The problem I find with your version is a criticism I have for a lot of trekkies these days; it's not moving or really looking forward. It's trying to stay stuck in the past, refusing to let it go when it's no longer that practical to. This is a problem for many storytelling reasons, but it's especially problematic for Star Trek, because it's never been about getting stuck in the past, it's been about looking ahead and seeing what the future might bring. Trying to paint that picture of the yet to come. That was largely why Next-Gen even exists; Roddenbury had the foresight to see that what worked for the sixties and even the seventies with the movies was looking ahead enough anymore, so he wisely opted to jump ahead a decade and reinvent that picture of the yet to come once more, to fit with what he knew then that he didn't know before.
The point being is that, you can't really be looking forward when you're continually trying to hang onto the past like what you're doing here.
That, and speaking from a writing perspective, it's quite obviously shoe-horned to fit your way, and that's not good writing, to put it bluntly.
Again, this isn't to state that Generations is entirely good because it did have faults. Pacing is a big one. But when it's all said and done, it does it much better than other movies in it's own franchise (the Motion Picture and Final Frontier readily come to mind as good examples), so I like to think it did well enough. Could've been better, but at the end of the day, I'm satisfied with the end result, nonetheless.
Personally, I would've done it where the no-win scenario he was always running away from finally caught up with him, and at long last, there was no way out except through death. I think Generations was actually trying to shoot for that, but fell way short. But like I said before, they actually had filmed a very different death scene for him then opted to scrap it and shoot something different last minute. As such, I'm sure what they could do was limited, due to time and available resources, and we should probably consider ourselves lucky we got the just-okay scene we did.
Duras sisters: Who is this pathetic Human?
Kirk: I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. And I hate Klingons.
I suppose that could work...have Kirk take command of the D while Picard and crew abandon ship, buying time...sort of akin to how Daddy Kirk the did it in the first Abrams reboot with the Kelvin (which I know you didn't care for, but pretty much still in the same ballpark)...yeah that could actually. At first I thought it was just another flashy cover-up for cheap entertainment, but then I thought, if you did it right, that actually could work admirably. Consider me impressed.
Though I'd have to say no to the cheesy punchline. It'd just ruin the moment. It'd need to be something profound-ish, his last lines. Kind of like when the Enterprise was destroyed in ST:III.
The Enterprise-A sits in space dock as Kirk takes on final sad look at his ship with Scotty and Chekov by his side. Federation engineering teams are slowly starting to remove the ships fittings before towing her to Utopia plantia to mothball her. His only home. He thinks of how everything he loves gets ripped away from him. His wife and how she died horrifically in a transporter accident, David being murdered by the Klingons on the Genesis planet and how it destroyed his relationship with Carol and drove her to commit suicide coupled with her work being perverted into a weapon covetted by the Klingons and Romulans.
He is about to leave the bridge when a system wide red alert comes onto the screens with Starfleet ordering that the Enterprise-A be launched for one final rescue mission with techs onboard as a skeleton crew.
An energy field has engulfed a small fleet of El-Aurian ships. The Enterprise enters the field to attempt to rescue the ships. Scotty calculates that a photon detonation will dissipate the field, though he notes that it has a temporal signature to it. However torpedo launchers are offline from having shorted out after the battle with Chang over Khitomer. However the deflector dish could simulate a torpedo blast.
Scotty informs Kirk how to configure the deflector dish to simulate a photon blast after Kirk elects to rig it up himself and pulls rank on Scotty. Scotty agrees reluctantly where he is busy keeping the transporter which was severely damaged functions. Kirk sets up the deflector and sets it off. The Enterprise pulls out of the energy field with the transport ships save one which was too badly damaged. An energy ribbon tears into the hull seemingly killing Kirk though the Enterprise clears the Nexus rift.
78 years later.... It carries on like the film except that Soran is a brilliant federation scientist hybrid of Stephen Hawking and Richard Daystrom. working on a secret Section 31 project involving Iconian Tech like what he used eighty years before to create the Nexus as part of an experiment to go back in time and warn their civilization about the borg. The Enterprise-D is investigating a mysterious explosion there.
The Duras sisters aren't present nor is their BoP where they have won the Klingon Civil War in this timeline. Instead Gul Madred arrives in his Keldon Class warship to fetch Soran who is secretly working for the Cardassians in trying to recreate Iconian Tech namely the gateway portals. Soran kidnaps Data when Data discovers his treachery. Gul Madred fires a pair of prototype trilithium torpedoes into the Armagosa star making it go nova in order to make a clean getaway.
Soran then tortures Data using the emotion chip eventually reprogramming him to sabotage the Enterprise when Picard and the Enterprise catch up to the Madred's Keldon class ship in orbit of Veridian III. Data then sabotages the Enterprise's shields and weapon systems which leaves them defenseless to Gul Madred's Keldon class ship which promptly opens fire on them, killing Wesley Crusher when the helm console explodes in his face. Data experiences a neural net malfunction which resets his programming back to normal as a result of being electrocuted by his console.
Data gets up and undoes his sabotage to the phasers which Worf uses to destroy the Cardassians who have not raised their shield with a surprise phaser barrage.
While Soran on the planet surface beats up Picard for the death of his wife and unborn son at Wolf 359. He goes on a tirade where he tells Picard that he will create a perfect universe using the Nexus which is Iconian technology that allows one to see and experience alternate realities. The nexus device malfunctions and destroys the facility they're pulling Picard into the Nexus where he encounters Guinan and soon after Kirk. Kirk helps Picard get over the death of his brother Robert and nephew Renee and face his own repressed guilt over David's death and the death of Carol Marcus along with his wifes death.
The rest follows roughly the movie play out except with Kirk not dying but distracting Soran long enough for Picard to sabotage the nexus device so it would short out however Soran breaks free of Kirk and leaps through a prototype gateway which fuses solid after shorting out after he passes through it with the Nexus device which promptly explodes as Soran re-materializes on a high mountain top killing him and destroying the gateway.
The Enterprise-D experiences a warp core breach however the Saucer doesn't crash but remains disabled in orbit of Veridian III. Kirk and Picard return to the Saucer in Picard's shuttle that he used where Veridian III's atmosphere was so charged that transporters would not work.
The movie would end with the Enterprise-D in space dock being rebuilt with a new hull section fitted with a third nacelle. Picard and Kirk would walk out of Picard's ready room holding glasses of chateau Picard. The bridge is rebuilt using elements from AGT,Parallels and Enterprise-E configurations.
Good old Memory Alpha lending me the details on this one, episode called "Half a Life".
I think you may want Spock to have been off the ship (staying on khitmer to smooth things over) or it'll retcon all the vulcan romulan eps from TNG >___<
But those three beamed to one of the ships to attempt to help them and they were able to escape while Ent-A was caught in the nexus. It help explain how Scotty let his ship get caught in the nexus.